Talking About Sex With Children
Having More Than the Birds and the Bees Talk
All of these cases could have been prevented by simply being aware of and using a method of birth control. However, why not start at square one and try to prevent these statistics by having a continuing conversation at home about sex? Many parents avoid “the talk” because the parents themselves are uncomfortable talking about sex with their child and/or they believe school sexual education class will take care of “the talk” for them.
It’s okay for parents to voice this discomfort when talking with their children. The children are not going to be 100 percent comfortable either, but here are some tips appropriate for each age group to have an informative, open dialogue with children about sex.
It’s best to respond to the needs and curiosity level of each child according to their maturity. This will keep the child more at ease. This may mean using book illustrations to teach or getting advice from health professionals for older children.
Toddlers and Preschoolers
Toddlers and preschoolers aren’t going to ask a lot of questions pertaining to sex. It’s almost a guarantee, however; they will ask where babies come from, especially if they know someone who is going to have a baby. A satisfying answer can be something as simple as "babies come from a seed that grows inside a special place in a mommy."
By the age of four, most children should know the correct terms for the main anatomical features: a penis is a penis and a vagina is a vagina. How to teach this to children? The same way as all other body parts: when pointing and asking, “What’s this?” and the child says, “Toe”, add in the penis or vagina. As the child grows older and understands better, add more parts.
Talking to Tweens
The age of children who act like children some of the time and teenagers the other half, can be the trickiest. They’re bound to ask more questions as they realize boys and girls are different in more ways than one. This is the time when “the talk” can start taking a serious turn.
A parent will have to explain how the seed gets into mommy’s special place. A good answer would be "dad’s seed (sperm) comes from his penis and enters into mom’s seed (egg) and travels to her uterus where it takes nine months for the baby to grow safely." The child should know by this age what a penis and uterus is by continual teaching. This is also a good time to talk to children about puberty and what changes can be expected soon.
An older child who is closer to being a teenager, like an 11- or 12-year-old, might want to know more than that depending on maturity and curiosity. This is a good age to explain how a man and woman fall in love, decide to have sex and make a baby so the child can relate sex to a healthy relationship.
Teenagers and The Talk
Teenagers are known for not communicating well with their parents, especially if sex is involved. If parents have talked with their child about sex since a young age, hopefully the teenager will feel safe enough to bring up sex topics with a parent. But even if the dialogue wasn’t there when s/he was growing up, it’s still important to talk to teens about sex.
Teens know the plan. They know how sex works and what can happen if it’s done unprotected. It’s a good idea for parents to educate their teen about unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases and masturbation. Another important talk to have with teenagers is about the intimacy and relationship aspect of a sexual relationship.
Teens can be easily confused by the intensity of their emotions and it’s important that they have someone to talk to about it. Teens may want to talk about sexual identity, sexual behavior, dating and sexual feelings among many other topics. Knowing they have a trusted source of information at home can be all the comfort they need to know what to expect in a relationship and how to react to their hormone-charged bodies.
A study done by Patricia Dittus and James Jaccard of the State University of New York, Albany, have shown that children who feel they can talk about sex with their parents are less likely to engage in high-risk sexual behavior. So start early and have an open dialogue so children can get the right information from home, instead of being given misinformation from friends and society.
The Talk
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