Learn how to communicate and get along with your tweens, and still keep your cool. Discover helpful communications tips for tween-age children, and save your sanity.

Let’s face it. There is nothing more daunting than dealing with a hormonally-charged tween. But take heart! Many parents have dealt with the emotional ups and downs and have made it through relatively unscathed - with great kids to boot!

Here are some sensible, sanity-saving tips that will help you navigate the turbulent tween to teenage years.

Keep your Perspective

It’s so easy to snap and say something you wish you hadn’t. No matter how wonderful your kids are, they know exactly which buttons to push! To keep things on an even keel, take a deep breath and think of the big picture. Are they mouthing off temporarily to blow off steam, or is this something that really requires you taking a hard line?

Expect Respect

No matter how easy it is to throw your hands up in the air, it is better for you and your child, for you to lay some ground rules. By outlining some basic do's and dont's within a positive context (let's keep our voices low, please look at me when you talk to me, please stay in the room while you are talking to me, etc) you help to give them a sense of direction that will come in handy for them in the outside world as well.

Create Various Venting Mechanisms

Sometimes kids need to do something physical to work out their frustrations; it's not unusual for an ordinarily quiet child to suddenly start stomping her feet or become a door slammer. While it is very helpful to advise your children to articulate what they feel - "I feel angry" or "I'm frustrated because..." - at times they need a more concrete way to vent. Some people buy a punching bag, while others encourage running around the block as an alternate steam release option. Find a series of solutions that make sense, so your tweens always feel like they have choices.

Expect Rejection

Even if they were once the most affectionate kids on the planet, your children may become uncomfortable with any public shows of affection. Don’t despair! This is a normal by-product of your children starting to establish their unique personalities. Odds are you’ll still be allowed to give a good night hug and kiss – as long as no one outside of the family is around.

Apologize When You are Wrong

Life is not perfect, so it’s important to verbally recognize when you fall short. If you scream or say something you shouldn’t in anger, you can score major points by owning up to your own mistake and apologizing. You are, in fact, teaching your kids a valuable lesson; they can recoup from their own mistakes with grace by accepting responsibility and apologizing for inappropriate behavior.

Have a Back up

When living with one or more tween under one roof, it can be difficult to keep your cool. Having a spouse, friend or family member who can step in when you've reached the end of your rope, is enormously helpful. Other perks: one person is not always the bad guy and the primary care giver gets a breather.

Say I Love You

Even if you are ready to toss in the towel, try to end each communication with “I love you.” No matter how unsettled your child may act, they should always know that you are there for them. Saying “I love you” and meaning it, will sometimes be what it takes to clear the air for more constructive conversations.

Communicate (Realistic) Consequences & Rewards

When children are small, a 2 minute timeout for bad behavior is realistic, As they grow, so should the consequence - lost TV or video time works well for the tween-age set. The key to this is to communicate in advance - "If you do X then you risk losing Y." Another way to handle this is to ask the child what he feels is an appropriate punishment, if he crosses the line. Some folks use the reverse strategy, rewarding good behavior. This works well as long it is not viewed by your tween as a bribe.

To keep your household humming along, articulate your expectations, keep your lines of communications open and create consequences that fit the circumstances. Use humor when you can and realize this too shall pass!