When Parents Make Mistakes
Advice for When You Aren't the Perfect Parent
Okay, so parents aren't all that perfect. But, do our tweens have to know? Advice on how to deal with your pitfalls in parenting and strengthen your relationships.
OK mom and dad, it is time to own up to the fact that parents are not perfect. No matter what educational degree one holds, if any, or how long you have had a successful career, everyone still makes parenting mistakes. Take a look at some of the advice offered below to learn ways to use mistakes to your advantage and help you strengthen the relationship you have with your child.
Mistakes Offer Encouragement
Pretending that you are perfect is a disaster in itself. Parents are the prime role models to our children of how an adult behaves and acts. How do you think a child feels when his mom or dad never admits to doing something wrong? He probably feels like he has to be perfect when he becomes an adult. It starts to put pressure on the child that he may never be able to live up to those standards. Admitting that you have made a mistake shows your child that it is natural to be wrong about some things, and everyone can learn from our mistakes.
He Still Loves You
Sometimes parents feel that if they admit to a mistake, their child will look down on them. Parents may feel like they are losing control of their authority in the household, if they say they have done something wrong. Rest assured, this is not the case. In fact, your child will look up to you and respect you even more, knowing that you are brave enough to admit you are wrong. He still loves you!
Find Your Temper - - Before You Lose It
It is all too easy to lose your temper and go ballistic on your kids. For example, if you are talking to your child, but he is too busy playing his Gameboy to listen, you may get angry enough to throw the game away to get your point across. Of course, as soon as this action is deployed, you start to feel guilty and sorry for what you did. What are you going to do? Admit that you should not have done this, or put your blinders on and just hope your child gets over it? Getting angry only proves to your child that you have the right to be destructive when you are angry, and this is sending him the wrong message about being a responsible adult. A better way to handle the situation above could include:
- Using a firm tone, but not yelling.
- Taking the toy and placing it on a table.
- Warning him by saying, "I am getting ready to blow my stack," without actually doing so.
Adapt to Your Child's Personality
There are times when you may be so excited about doing something for your child that you would have loved to do when you were a kid. For instance, you might throw your child a surprise party for her 12th birthday, only to find that she is totally horrified by the concept. She hates being put on the spot, and you have just done the unthinkable in her mind. Be sensitive to your child's personality. Tailor things around what she likes to do. Get her input before proceeding with any lavish plans.
Watch What You Say
Kids are listening to what you say, even when you do not realize it. You may be having a casual conversation with your spouse or a friend, and something slips from your mouth. Harmless enough, right? Not so when your child is caught saying the same thing to a friend. When asked where he heard such language, his response is, "You said it to daddy last night, so I thought it was okay." Do you get the picture?
Focus on Security...Avoid Scare Tactics
If your child comes to you with a concern, try approaching the subject in terms of security. Avoid using scary scenarios of what could happen. An example would be to tell your child how firemen and policemen work very hard to keep us safe, and if something bad ever happens, they will be right there to take care of the situation as best they can. This makes a child feel more calm. Telling her that if the firemen don't get here soon, the house will be gone and all their things will be lost, will make her anxiety rise. Think before you speak and you will find the right words to use to make a scary situation seem manageable.
