Overcoming Power Struggles with Your Tween
Stop Knocking Heads with Tweenagers and Get on the Right Track
Tweens are beyond being true children and are beginning to develop some of the age-related behaviors of teens. You may find that your child can be mouthy, defiant, unsure of who he is, or still a perfectly capable child. Depending on how your tween is at this age, he may be trying to get into power struggles with you by vying for his rights and getting his way in the family. This article takes a look at some tween behaviors that indicate a power struggle and solutions to these problems.
"I'm Not Listening to You"
Sometimes your child will fail to listen to you by either tuning you out or showing his indifference by brushing you off. This is his way of telling you that you are unimportant or he has more important things to do.
Solution: As a parent, it is important to have your tween actually get the messages you are trying to tell him. Make certain you speak quietly and with a calm voice. Stay away from that nagging voice that will only make things worse. Assure that you have eye contact with your tween, and use body language and tone to make sure your tween understands that you mean what you say.
The Talking Back Syndrome
Your tween may begin to talk back or shout at you when he doesn't agree with you. Other times he may just sulk and refuse to say anything because he is angry. Either way, he will make his anger clear to you, and this is not acceptable behavior.
Solution: As a parent, you must always make clear what is an acceptable behavior. Keep in mind that tweens are sometimes just trying on adult roles, or are just trying to assert a level of independence, but this does not make the behavior any better. Despite his talking back or sulking, you need to stand solidly on how you expect him to react to situations that make him angry at you.
The Stubborn Tween
Some tweens will simply refuse to obey parents, especially when it comes to doing chores. Your child may be stubborn or throw a fit if he doesn't like what he has been asked to do. This child who is trying to act more mature all of a sudden acts like a two-year-old.
Solution: This is a time to set fair boundaries with your child. Take note of whether or not what you are asking him to do is really age appropriate, or if there is a way to negotiate chores with him. The tween years are a good time to review the rules and make sure you are giving your child the type of chores that are appropriate for his age.
Using Bad Language
Bad language can be a common tween problem. Your child may start to mimic what he hears, the good and the bad. He may be doing it to get a rise out of you, or may be unknowingly incorporating it into his everyday language.
Solution: This is a time when you should be watching your own language. Give a clear message to your tween as to what you consider bad language, as well as what the sanctions will be if he fails to follow the rules.
Secrets and Lies
Your tween may begin to be secretive and lie to avoid negative consequences. As compared to when he told you everything when he was a small child, he now acts sullen, and you find out things from other sources.
Solution: The best trick is to value honesty in your family. Create an atmosphere where your tween feels comfortable telling you the truth, even if it means some type of consequence will follow. This can be done by remaining calm when your tween admits to do something wrong, and even thanking him for his honesty.
Tweens are children going through big changes in life. Continue to love your child as you always have, and strive to maintain family harmony with him. Remember that your tween still cares for you as he always has. It's just time to make some adjustments to keep your relationship strong.
Power Struggles with Tweens
|
What do you think about this article?
More in Partners & Parents
Latest Articles