Bullying has, unfortunately, become a way of life these days. While the concept of kids being bullied at school is certainly not new, but the extent to which it can happen is. The resulting problems for a victim of bullying can even have fatal consequences, unfortunately sometimes even playing out in horror on the television news.
The responsibility of dealing with a tween bully falls primarily on the shoulders of the parents, although schools do have guidelines on how to deal with these situations as well. There are several things that a parent can do to help turn the situation around.
Open Communication with the Child
More often than not, a bully does not relate at all to the victim. This is not to say that all bullies aren't able to understand the consequences of what they are doing, but some do not. Speak to your tween and help him understand what the victim of the bullying feels. It is time that your child takes responsibility for his actions.
If you, as a parent, can help your child reach opinions on his own, it might be more effective. Asking questions like "How would you feel?" and "What would you do?" can be helpful in letting your tween think about what is going on. It is not advised to use corporal punishment or another hostile means of discipline because this could only make the problem worse.
Work Closely with the School
If you can stay in contact with the school, you might be able to help to at least decelerate the frequency of the bullying. Bullying has roots in aggression and the need to be in control. Parents might also address a PTA meeting to see how other parents are dealing with the same situation. It is imperative that bullying is stopped at the youngest age in order to get it stopped completely.
Many schools are now implementing strict no tolerance policies for bullying. There are strict guidelines in place for punishment, including detention, suspension, and expulsion. Some schools are also filing charges with local police departments in order to be sure the incidents stop.
It is definitely time for schools to put an end to bullying; however, parents are the people ultimately responsible for a tween's actions. If a parent condones the bullying, a child will believe that it is okay. Sometimes, it is the parent who is a bully himself, and children learn by example. It is time that parents begin setting the right example for children.
Spend Time Together as a Family
With today's hectic schedules, families are spending less time together than ever before. Very seldom do most families even eat together, let alone participate in some activity. Research has repeatedly shown that families that eat together and spend quality time together have children with less behavioral problems ["Family Mealtime" by Clara S.L. Brenner, U.S. News & World Report, October 27, 2004]. The children are also better adjusted, emotionally stronger, and better social skills.
It cannot be stressed enough that family time is one of the most important things you can do to help prevent and stop your tween's bullying. Communication lines will open as you spend more time together. This will create the opportunities you need to start talking to your child.
Bullying is a big problem. But, it is something that can change. A tween can learn to respect others, and know when boundaries should not be crossed. It is only by parents and schools working together that the reign of a bully can end.
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