How to Pick Your Battles With Tweens Effectively
Keeping Peace Between Parents and Tweens
Jul 27, 2009
The tween years are a wonderful time in a child's life. He starts making decisions for himself, and looks to his parents for some guidance, but not much when it comes to certain areas of his life. While a parent wants a tween to grow and become more and more responsible, there are times when direction and discipline are not an option. How does one discern when an argument is really necessary? Learn to pick battles effectively with a child.
When to Help Tweens Choose Friends
It is hard for parents to have a say in who a tween can be friends with or not. Kids tend to gravitate towards friends who have similar interests and opinions, so many times there are no problems between a tween and his parents on he picks to hang out with. The main thing to remember here is that even if there is a friend or two who get on a parent's nerves, is not a good reason to cause an argument or terminate a friendship.
However, if a tween starts displaying a different affect than he normally does (for instance, becomes irritable when he is generally a happy child), there may be cause to evaluate his friends a little closer. Some times kids find friendships with others just to feel accepted into a group, and this can cause stress and behavior alterations. This is a time when a parent may need to step in and make the decision to end a friendship permanently.
When to Help Tweens Choose What to Wear
Tween trends are highly geared towards teen and adult fashions, but usually on a more subtle basis. If a child wants to wear something flashy or baggy, but it fits well and covers private areas well, it is probably not worth having an argument about. A tween understandably wants to fit in with peers, and this is okay, as long as clothing choices are respectable.
On the other hand, if a tween opts for skimpy styles or pants that hang below the waistline, a parent has due cause to put a foot down. What a person wears gives off signals to others about what kind of personality this person has. Clothes can send the opposite sex an arousing signal, especially in tween girls, and then safety becomes an issue. This is when compromise really needs to come into play between what a parent likes and what a tween likes to wear.
When to Choose What a Tween Eats
This may seem like an unimportant topic to have an argument over with a child. After all, what harm is it what a tween eats? It's just food. Consider the fact that, "The percentage of children and adolescents who are defined as overweight has more than doubled since the early 1970s." (Statistic taken from Overweightteen.com).
It is the parent's responsibility to make sure a tween is eating a healthy diet, which can also consist of goodies on occasion. But, junk food should not be a staple in a child's diet. One way to rectify the cycle of too much junk food is to have a planned grocery list each week and sticking to it. It can also help to have a parent go grocery shopping alone in order to avoid an arguments in the store over what to place in the cart.
Helping Tweens Choose Activities to Pursue
A tween may have a natural interest in a particular hobby or sport, which is great. Being involved in an activity is good for a child's mental and physical growth, and gives him a chance to connect with other kids who have similar interests. What about the tween who does not seem to like anything? Should a parent force that child into an organized activity in hopes that he will love it? While intentions may be good, it is not a good idea to force a tween into anything. This may only cause resentment.
Try finding an interest by participating in family activities. Go bowling, or bring home ceramic figures and acrylic paints to paint together. You are bound to stumble upon something he likes to do, and this could easily become a hobby for him. Once he has found something enjoyable, approach the idea of him joining a group with other kids, and he may be open to it at that point.
Picking battles is not a new concept in parenting. It is just one aspect that may get overlooked, especially when parent and child butt heads often. Don't think of picking battles just as a parent's responsibility, either. Let the tween in on the fact that compromise can take place, so he is willing to work on it, too. Soon there will be harmony in the home, if only for a while.
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