Helping Tweens Set & Achieve Goals
Learning to Set Realistic Goals - a Lesson That Will Last a Lifetime
Oct 21, 2007
Children who are 9 -12 years old can benefit greatly when adults take the time to help them set and achieve realistic goals. These skills will not only benefit them today but for the rest of their lives, so be patient, encouraging, and most of all let children know that you believe in their ability to achieve the goals they set for themselves.
Setting Personal Goals
The first thing adults should know about effectively teaching goal setting to ‘tweens’ is that the goals need to be the children’s goals, and not the parents', teachers' or other adults' “goals” for the child. Children will be motivated to achieve their own personal goals, as these are the things that they care about and the things which are important to them. On the other hand children of this age are likely to reject or even rebel against an adult’s “goals” which are set for them.
Use Teaching Moments
Parents and teachers have the unique opportunity to assist children in learning personal development ideas, at any given time. Teaching moments are those moments when a child creates that perfect opportunity for you to offer to help, by teaching them a new skill. An example of a perfect opportunity to teach goal setting skills could be:
- Child: I got a "C" in math.
- Adult: Are you satisfied with your grade? Do you think you can do better? You could (remember it has to be the child’s goal) set a personal goal to get a "B" next time. I think you could obtain that goal if you work at it.
Parents and other adults who spend a lot of time with children realize that there are countless “teaching moments” like these, when you can help a child understand what it means to set goals and accomplish the things that you care about accomplishing. By refraining from lecturing, and “demanding more” from tweens, adults who respond to young people in this way, give them the opportunity to demand more of themselves. Being able to “require things” of oneself, and to hold oneself accountable for successes and failures, is an important step toward maturity, and a necessary component in the area of personal achievement.
Helping Your Tween
Help the child set and define a specific goal for him/herself. Make sure that the goal is realistic, and can be achieved in a reasonable amount of time. If the child sets an unreasonable goal (for example to earn $5,000 in 2 weeks) don’t criticize. Say something like “I think that is a very ambitious (admirable, amazing etc…) plan. How do you hope to go about meeting that goal?"
Help the child set a manageable goal by asking questions, proposing suggestions, and helping them to evaluate their own goal idea.
Supporting Your Tween
There are many helpful ways to support a child who is working toward a specific goal.
- Goal planners: These are great resources for both kids and adults. They can help the child to design a step by step plan for meeting their goals. By teaching kids to set daily, weekly and long term goals, you encourage them to continue to working to meet those goals, one step at a time.
- Savings Accounts: Assist children whose goal is to save money for a special item they want by helping them open a savings account.
- Incentives: Token Economy Rewards Systems can really help children achieve their goals. Reward children who meet daily or weekly goals with small incentives that show that you are supporting them in their efforts. If the child has started a savings account, you might also consider “matching” some of the money that they save.
When talking about helping tweens to learn goal setting skills, not enough can be said about the power of adult role-models. Every time you set and achieve a personal goal, share that with the child.
Talk to them about past goals that you have had, and how you went about achieving those goals. Share some of the difficulties you had, the struggles you went through, and the way you felt when you finally achieved that goal. Tell them why it was worth it, to keep working on your goals, even when things were difficult for you. This kind of sharing with children shows them that you practice what you preach, and it also helps them feel more “normal” about what they are doing (because you and lots of other people do it as well).
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