Tweens are sensitive people and get their feelings hurt quite easily. Here are some tips on how to give constructive criticism while keeping self esteem intact.
Tweens are at a tough phase in their life. They are transitioning from the "little kid" stigma and finding where they fit in the "grown up" world. During this phase in life, tweens do not take criticism well because they feel like they know everything and correcting them is a huge blow to their self esteem.
How many times have you heard your 9-year-old say, "I knew that" or "that's what I meant to say," when you know full well that they are wrong. They get defensive in conversation when they are being told the correct way to do something, and while it is frustrating to parents, there are some ways to gently criticize and still get your point across.
Explaining Why Criticism is Important
Sit down with your tween and explain to him that everyone receives criticism throughout their lives. Even as adults, we are told how to do our job better through evaluations. It is learning to improve, and when given correctly, is an act of kindness, love, or concern. Criticism is not pointing fingers and telling you that you've failed. It is saying that you can do something even better. It is helpful to receive constructive criticism. Think of it as gaining knowledge and power, not as a put-down. Use criticism in a positive way and to your advantage.
Teaching Your Child to Accept Criticism
A person graciously accepts criticism when they:
- Listen intently to the one giving advice. Make good eye contact.
- Avoid negative facial expressions.
- Stay calm.
- Give feedback to the person giving advice to show understanding.
- Get involved in the conversation and ask questions.
- Try to correct the behavior or problem that is the subject of criticism.
Results of Accepting Constructive Criticism
Learning to accept criticism is a sign of maturity. It tells people that you are willing to improve your behavior and learn from mistakes. When given correctly, criticism should help in building self esteem. It also teaches your child how to give criticism to others in a way that makes them feel good about themselves.
When Criticism is Not Constructive
There is such thing as giving criticism in a negative way and for the wrong motives. If your child feels that he has received criticism in a way that makes him feel small and unimportant, he should tell you about this, so you can talk with the person giving criticism. If it is not given in a calm manner, your child will have a harder time accepting it.
