Dealing with the Death of a Pet
Helping Your Tween Cope When a Furry Friend Dies
Losing a pet is hard for just about anyone, but especially tweens who have become best friends with their pet. Here are some ways you can help your tween cope.
Dealing with the loss of a pet is never easy for children or adults. A pet becomes a beloved part of the family, and in many cases your tween has grown up with the family pet. When it comes time to say goodbye, whether it is natural causes or an injury, you will have to take the time to explain the death to your tween.
Explaining the Situation
Sometimes when a pet gets hurt or is ill, you know that his time is coming to an end. You may believe the pet will die or that you will have to make the choice to put the pet to sleep. This is never an easy decision. As soon as you realize that your pet is failing, it is a good idea to explain the situation to your tween and prepare her for the decisions that lie ahead. If you make the decision to put your pet to sleep, it is very hard to explain euthanasia to younger children, but your 9 to 12-year-old should have some concept of what will happen to the pet. This discussion, of course, really depends on your tween's intellectual level.
In some cases, it may be easier for you to not tell your child that you are making the decision to put the pet down. It is often easier to keep your explanation short and to the point, such as “Fluffy is very sick and she may not be with us very long.” In this case, it is a good idea to give your child time to say goodbye. It is almost never a good idea to take your child with you when the pet is put down unless you are dealing with an older child that understands the situation and wants to be there.
Of course, accidents do happen and you may never get a chance to say goodbye to your pet. Your pet may leave your family suddenly and there is no time to explain to your child. You are dealing with emotions and you must also deal with explaining the loss to your child.
It's Okay to Grieve
Children, just like adults, grieve in different ways. After you have explained that your pet has died, you can certainly expect some tears. Let your tween know that it is okay to feel sad, and let them know that you are sad, too. Your child will probably go through a wide range of emotions, so you should be ready to deal with that.
The Healing Process
After your child has finished grieving for a period of time, she will go through a healing process. When the healing process begins, you may find that your child wants to talk about the pet constantly or may not want to talk about the pet at all. This is normal, and you should take your tween’s cue. If you find that your child wants to talk about the pet, then perhaps an activity would help her heal.
One great idea is to plant a small memorial garden for your pet. You can help your child make a stepping stone marker for your pet and place it in the garden. Another good way to help your child deal with the loss of a beloved pet is to have her draw pictures of the pet, or help you find pictures and place them in a frame or scrapbook. Donating items to a local pet rescue organization is another good way to help with the healing process. They will accept monetary donations in your pet’s name or items that are used often.
The idea in helping your child with the loss of a pet is to not push your child, but to allow her to grieve in her own way. Remind your child that while you pet is gone, the memories will always remain.
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